


Do You Want To Hold Her

by WardenRoot



Series: Baby Bump [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Baby Fic, F/F, Family, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 14:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18671695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WardenRoot/pseuds/WardenRoot
Summary: Sara and Ava's time at the hospital right after their daughter is born





	Do You Want To Hold Her

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to @roguebeachcomber for helping with this!

“Do you want to hold her?”

Sara tears her eyes away from Ava to look at the nurse addressing her, a tiny bundle in her hands. Sara nods, already stretching her arms out for her daughter. The moment Laurel is in her arms feels surreal. _She’s tiny._ Sara doesn’t know that she has ever seen someone so small.

She is crying, and her eyes are open, seemingly moving in every direction as Sara looks at them. The doctors have assured them the crying is normal. Laurel is loud, for something so small.

Sara doesn’t notice that she is crying until the tears drop down onto the baby blanket. Laurel is so tiny, so innocent. The smile on Sara’s lips falters as she looks at her tiny face.

Laurel doesn’t know all the pain and suffering life brings. Doesn’t know all the evil and darkness the world has to bring. Doesn’t know the darkness of her own mother’s past.

Sara looks down at the bundle of innocence in her arms and a fear spreads through her, fear that she might touch this pure creature with her darkness, that her past might hurt her daughter.

There is a tap on her shoulder, making Sara lift her head to look at the nurse who had given her Laurel just a few minutes ago. She is looking expectantly at Sara, her arms stretched out towards Laurel. Sara carefully deposits her in the nurse’s arms, feeling relief at her stained hands no longer touching her.

She turns her full attention to Ava, lying exhausted and sweaty on the hospital bed. Sara thinks she looks ethereal. The nurse puts Laurel down on her chest, guiding her head to Ava’s breast.

Ava smiles, one hand gently coming up to cradle Laurel. With her other hand, she reaches for one of Sara’s, looking up at her. “We did it.”

Sara shakes her head, a smile back on her lips. “That was all you, my love,” she says, lifting up their joined hands so she can kiss Ava’s.

“She’s so beautiful.” Ava’s eyes move between Laurel and Sara, a bright, worn out smile adorning her lips.

“She is.” Sara moves her eyes from Ava’s face to her chest, looking down at their child. Even though she feels indescribable happiness as she looks at her, the fear is back, coiling itself in her stomach. She forces her eyes back on Ava’s face, willing herself to believe that they’ll be alright.

  


Sara manages to go the rest of the day without holding her. The doctors do some tests, at first, to make sure that everything is okay. Then they give her to Ava, then leave, and Ava feeds her for the first time without a room full of people. Watching it is mesmerizing.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sara sighs, leaning her weight on the hand she has placed next to Ava’s head so she can lower her own head to kiss Ava’s temple.

Ava’s cheeks color ever so slightly as she looks down at Laurel, smiling almost bashfully.

Looking at Laurel like this, with Ava holding her, is easier. Sara thinks she’ll be okay, with someone as pure as Ava to raise her, to rival the darkness that Sara can never quite get rid of.

Sara has accepted, so long ago now, that her past doesn’t mean she can’t have a future, can’t do good. But it’s so hard to remember when she’s looking at something so pure and innocent. It’s hard to believe her hands won’t spoil it.

“Do you want to hold her?” Ava asks, when Laurel finally lets go of her breast. Laurel yawns, her tiny mouth shaping into an oh, and Sara can’t help a soft smile as she observes it. The prospect of holding her again, however, is terrifying.

“She’s tired, and so are you. You should both get some rest.”

“She can sleep in your arms.” Ava furrows her brows as she looks up at Sara.

“You need sleep, and I, need coffee and to stretch my legs.” Sara stretches her arms above her head to punctuate it, feeling her back crack as she does so.

“Okay,” Ava says, not sounding quite convinced, face slightly scrunched up. She sighs and her face softens. “Put Laurel in her crib?”

Sara nods, trying not to show the fear she’s feeling as she slowly reaches her hands out for Laurel, holding her breath. The exchange is calm — Laurel wriggles slightly as she is moved, but doesn’t show any sign of being bothered by Sara holding her. Sara doesn’t quite know what she expected, but it wasn’t that. Something more akin to Laurel crying the moment her unworthy hands touched her would be closer to whatever it was, but not this.

She carefully makes her way to the tiny crib the nurses have placed in the room, depositing Laurel in it as quickly as she can without hurting her. She spends a moment just staring at her once she’s no longer touching her. Laurel yawns again, her tiny head resting against the bottom of her crib. Sara frowns, she’s still wrapped up in her blanket, should she be wrapped up in her blanket when she’s in the bed? Should Sara undo it? What if she shouldn’t be outside of it?

A nurse enters the room, drawing Sara’s eyes to the door. The nurse smiles, explaining that she’s just come to check up on the baby and mother.

“Go get your coffee, babe, we’ll be fine,” Ava says, reminding Sara of her previous words.

Sara nods, suddenly uncertain about leaving them alone, even with a nurse. She tells herself that they’re technically still at the bureau, and there are armed agents just a few hallways away should something happen. She reluctantly leaves the room, heading for the cafeteria.

 

The rest of the day, Laurel spends mostly sleeping. Ava tries to sleep, but Sara can tell something is worrying her — she keeps looking between Sara and Laurel with a frown on her face. She almost sleeps sometimes, but then Laurel wakes up, hungry, and Ava is denied her sleep. She doesn’t complain, however, just happily accepts their daughter as she gets ready to feed her, none of the anxiety around holding her that Sara constantly feels.

 

Then the next day comes, and Sara can tell that Ava is beginning to need sleep. By some miracle, about halfway through the day, both Ava and Laurel fall asleep right after feeding time.

Sara sits on the bed that had been brought into the room for her the day before, legs crossed and back leaned against the wall. Her eyes move from Ava to Laurel, just observing her girls sleeping. The serenity of it all almost lulls Sara into her own sleep, but the desire to simply watch Ava as she’s finally sleeping wins out.

Still, the room is calm around her, the only sounds Ava’s soft snoring and the ambient hustling of people moving outside of the room. Then, when Sara is almost in a trance from watching Ava, the quiet is broken, a cry coming from the other end of the room.

Sara swears, jumping up from the bed as she hurries towards Laurel. Her feet are kicking and her arms are slightly raised as she lets out the highest sound she can manage, much higher than Sara thinks something so small should be capable of.

“Shh, it’s okay, please don’t cry,” Sara says, reaching her hands out for her before she can properly register what she’s doing.

The moment Laurel is in her arms, she stops crying. Sara’s mouth falls open as the tiny body calms down, settling in Sara’s arms. Sara peeks over at Ava, relieved to see her still asleep. She sighs, looking down at Laurel, the now familiar fear making itself known in the pit of her stomach.

“Please go back to sleep,” Sara whispers, starting to lower Laurel back down into the crib. She lets out a breath when she’s all the way down, starting to pull back her arms.

Only, the moment Sara’s standing straight again, Laurel once more starts crying. Sara swears again as she moves to pick her back up, begging whatever deity might be listening for Laurel to quiet back down. Which she does, the moment she’s back in Sara’s arms.

“You don’t understand,” Sara sighs, adjusting her grip slightly so she can touch Laurel’s tiny cheek with her finger. “The crib is better for you than I am, it’s safer.” Laurel lets out what sounds like a tiny sigh, melting Sara’s heart as she looks at her small face. “Your mama needs sleep, but she won’t get that if you keep crying.” Her daughter looks unbothered by Sara’s words, content to sleep in her arms.

Sara looks back at Ava, still sleeping peacefully in her bed. The last thing Sara wants is to wake her up, but she can’t shake the fear that something bad will come from her spending time with her own daughter.

“You promise to behave and I will try to hold you at least for a little while. Deal?” She, unsurprisingly, gets no response from the newborn, but Laurel is still calm, so Sara takes it as agreement. She slowly makes her way back to her bed, carefully sitting back down on it, once more crossing her legs as she leans back against the wall. Laurel continues to sleep peacefully in her arms, and Sara is enthralled with watching her, her tiny chest rising and falling with every breath. She can’t believe she helped create her, can’t believe her and Ava made such a small human being, a small human being that now exists in their world, for them to take care of.

She glances over at Ava, tears rolling down her cheeks as a big smile makes its home on her lips. She looks back down at Laurel, and she feels like maybe it will be okay, maybe she won’t damage her daughter just by existing near her.

She doesn’t know how much time passes as she just stares down at her.

 

“What time is it?” Ava asks groggily, bringing Sara out of her staring.

“Uh,” Sara says, eyes searching for a watch somewhere in the room. Ava’s voice interrupts her before she can find one.

“You’re holding her.” Sara’s heart jumps at Ava’s tone — she sounds so _happy_ at the fact that Sara is holding their daughter.

“Yeah,” Sara says, smiling down at Laurel.

The serenity of the room is, however, once more broken by Laurel’s sudden crying, her face going from peaceful to red in seconds.

“Someone’s hungry,” Ava sighs, stretching her arms towards them.

“Guess she is,” Sara sighs, sliding off the bed so she can hand her over to Ava. She places a hand on Ava’s belly — so small, now that Laurel is no longer inside of it — and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead. Her heart bursts with love as she looks down at Laurel hungrily sucking on Ava’s nipple, feeling like the three of them can tackle anything together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [@wardenroot](http://wardenroot.tumblr.com), feel free to hmu to talk or for prompts


End file.
